“And my kids, they don’t help either...” | Rodney Dangerfield

“What a doctor. I called him last week. I told him, ‘Doc, I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills.’ He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.” | Rodney Dangerfield

“With my wife, I got no sex life. The dog keeps watching me in the bedroom, wants to learn how to beg.” Think you have what it takes to riff with Rodney’s good friend, Jay Leno? Submit your best dog joke to the You Bet Your Life with Jay Leno Smart Dog Contest for your chance to take home $1000! Visit https://youbetyourlife.com/smartdog to enter. | Rodney Dangerfield

“I got a tough family doctor. He told me if I keep smoking, I’ll take 10 years off my life. If I keep drinking, another 10 years off my life. If I don’t pay his bill, I’ll be dead by tomorrow.” 🎬: The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson | Rodney Dangerfield

“My wife’s father, he moved in with us. Has an electronic pacemaker. Every time he sneezes, the garage door opens.” | Rodney Dangerfield

Is that how it happened? The classic comedy duo, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara, tell a story about Rodney. (🎬: This Is Your Life, 1981) | Rodney Dangerfield

In 1987, Rodney introduced the world to the deliberately disrespectful Andrew Dice Clay who catapulted to stardom. In 1990, “The Diceman” became the first comedian to sell out Madison Square Garden for two consecutive nights. 🎬: Extended cut of Andrew Dice Clay’s stand-up from Rodney’s 1987 HBO special with an extra 6 minutes of never-seen-before footage | Rodney Dangerfield